Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Days 14, 15, 16, 17

Hi friends,

All caught up today! Enjoy the pics and some random thoughts below.

Intricate flower patterns
This is the shape I take at...hipster flea markets
I love anything that can take a picture.
*deep breath*

There are many patterns in the way we do things. One of my patterns that I noticed tonight at a work happy hour was that whenever I am meeting someone new and I have a good conversation with them, I always question it after the fact. I go into hyper-analysis mode and think "ok, how did I potentially mess that up or misinterpret the fact that it was going so well?" It's pretty exhausting. And to what end? Let's say I'm a complete weirdo in the conversation (which is bound to happen when you fully embrace potential awkwardness)...what's it really going to matter? Especially when all that the other girl was probably thinking was "oh my gosh, what is she thinking about me? I can't believe I just said that". I don't even want to know how much time I've wasted thinking about what other people think about me or how they feel about me. How do I feel about me? How do I seek to be more than just the negative space between people's opinions?

It can take many a shape. What is the shape I take when I'm at work? At home, alone? With friends? Are those shapes similar or drastically different? I'm noticing that as I get older, those shapes are looking more and more similar. They don't have to be the same; I'm a private person and I will share certain things with close friends over coworkers. I will also be able to talk about certain things with coworkers that friends may not understand. Both are valuable and have a place in my life. My goal is to have the base of those shapes be the person that I am at home, alone, without anyone else's input.

An ongoing battle, but a worthy one.

Sitting around the table at tonight's happy hour, we continue discussing the theme of favorite technology. A normal topic for those who live in the digital advertising industry, of course. Why wouldn't we subscribe to the things we use to persuade and transform internet users into retail customers? The funny thing is, I don't like ads. I didn't like them before I got into this industry because they looked like they would deliver a virus onto my computer as soon as I clicked. And now I'm not a fan of them after because I know too much of what goes behind them. I find myself wanting to shop on my own terms, and not have a banner prompting me to return to shoes that I was looking to buy 3 days ago ("I'll buy them when I'm ready, dammit! I know what you're trying to do here..."). That said, if ads are going to show regardless, I'd rather have them be relevant. Or at least that's what I tell's hard to be in an industry that you don't 100% subscribe to.

It was a strange, imposter-feeling night despite the good conversation and laughs. Those come around occasionally, and thankfully aren't here to stay. No need to read people's minds and assume thoughts that they probably aren't even thinking.

So instead, I stop. Breathe, and look up.

Night, friends. And thanks for reading :)

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