Friday, February 17, 2012


Do you ever want to leave your life as it is now and come back sometime in the future when you have it all together? I do. Even though I don't think a person ever really has it "all together". Since that's not possible anyways, I'm taking a break from facebook. How the two are connected, I don't really know. But I'm tired of facebook...connecting me to people without really connecting me. Holding me accountable to far more people than I actually talk to (or want to talk to), which I referred to in my bad habit post awhile ago. I want real relationship with people! But at the same time, I need to make time for that to happen. I just hope people can be patient with me.

Me: *types in status of leaving facebook and hits Enter*
4 seconds later
Mom: (on other computer right behind me) "You're taking a break from facebook?"
Me: "Yes."
Mom: "Oh, that's good!"


talk to you soon, friends.

Monday, February 13, 2012

The never-ending pursuit.

For so long I've been chasing shadows...mere wisps of truth, love, relationship, and validation. Twisting things to somehow make them true and right for me, and letting them twist me into something I don't want to be. I've been longing for someone to pursue my heart, when there has been God all along. I'm finally beginning to grasp that piece by piece. He is always solid, always there, who loves me for who I am now. I don't have to promote myself to Him with my talents or looks. And I'm slowly, very slowly, learning what it means to live and be content in that truth.

Having grown up as a Christian, I missed out on getting to know God emotionally. And I realize that even though I've gotten to know him as a more personal God since college, I still open up my heart in intimate relationship to everyone except Him. I seek validation from everyone, and everything, except Him. Sure, I pray and throw questions, anger, and thanks his way, but all of that stems from intimacy with others and not with God. This all hit me on the way home from church, while I was fuming at God about my loneliness and all my many futile attempts at controlling my life...specifically my relationship life. As I drove, frustrated and upset, saying what I wanted and asking why it was so hard to just have it, a subtle voice crept I am...and as I kept talking about wanting to be pursued and loved for who I have Me, that is enough. And it hit me. God is the only stable one. The only one who will never disappoint. The only One worth pleasing. I felt a peace replace my loneliness, and finally began to accept that I need to pursue God intimately.

Now, these are all truths that I knew in my head, and have heard a million and one times. Which made me afraid that I would never experience them personally unless I had a radical experience. But it was so good to begin the steps last night.

I took a walk around the lake today, and it was refreshing. God has met me there in the past, and he continues to meet me there. This song was the perfect soundtrack to my walk. The Autumn Film is pretty amazing...I saw them at a house concert (literally, a concert in someone's house), and it was definitely a memorable experience. One of my favorite songs that they played that night was this one, "Roll Over Me". It's not necessarily a happy, upbeat song, but it's really peaceful.

And on that note, I bid you all goodnight. :)

Sunday, February 12, 2012

*insert catchy title here*

I just love getting new music. I'm itching to buy a bunch of songs and make a new CD for my car.

Anyways, I haven't been writing because my mom moved my laptop up to my room, and I just haven't had the time to set it up again. It takes me practically a half hour to get the charger to actually work in my computer, so I have to use some tape and creativity to keep the light on [you can imagine how amusing that is]. And the only place I can use it is downstairs, because the wireless doesn't work on it. So there you have it! I have some pictures that I need to put up, so I might set it up later today.

Till then!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

It's never too late.

I love Jason Mraz. I've been listening to him consistently lately, and am reminded of just how much I love his music. This song, "Never Too Late", is from his homemade album. Take a listen if you're interested.

So I've been in the process of cleaning my room...and, well, it's going slowly. But I decided to get rid of most of my old band shirts and whatnot, because I'll probably never wear them again. I originally wanted to sew them into a blanket but that's a lot more work than I thought it would be...and I'm not motivated enough. Haha. So a photo collage is the next best thing! It's funny to see what music tastes have changed, which is basically everything except Jason Mraz and Relient K. Though Motion City Soundtrack will always have a special place in my heart. There are a couple random shirts thrown in, like my favorite work shirt from Cold Stone. Aaaaand...yeah. That's that.

I also got to hang with my niece and nephew the other day, and they were so cute. Per usual. I snapped a couple pics because the cuteness was just too much to handle without a camera in hand. Be grateful I didn't post all the pics :)

Life has been busy. And I was telling a friend that it's not necessarily a legit busy, but more like a stupid busy...because I created this. I don't know why I feel the need to plan every single moment of my free time. Sometimes I'll plan it a couple times over...which is just ridiculous. When will I learn? Anyways, I hope you all are well!