Tuesday, November 5, 2019


There were three responses to my previous post, and they meant the world to me. Reminders that people are still listening, even when I feel like I'm screaming into the void. Thank you to those people from the bottom of my heart.

It's a strange season right now, and after waiting for someone to tell me that I'm living the life that I'm supposed to be living, I realized that I just need to live it. I was journaling in the coffee shop up the street the other day and tiny dreams started to poke through...things like pick up French again and travel to France to test out the language. Write meaningful things for both myself and others, whether it's poetry, haikus or general thoughts. Learn how to write songs. Paint more watercolor paintings. Maybe try bouldering again or go on a solo yurt trip. And maybe the most dramatic...build an actual routine.

I realize that I am living most people's dream: no 9-5. I never pictured my life like this, and I am simultaneously grateful for it and terrified by it. My brain chimes in: "you weren't meant for this life! This is meant for someone with a lot of money to travel and someone who doesn't want to be owned by 'the man'! You're not creative or adventurous enough!". It's been interesting combatting these stories, because obviously they're not true but they've revealed my thoughts on this freelance life. And even though I feel like this won't be forever, it's where I am now and I'm opening my mind to new, unconventional possibilities.

One thing that has been extremely difficult is lack of connection with people. I am part introvert but also thrive on genuine interaction with other people, so my freelance schedule and my breakup have left me to my own devices. In addition to my lovely friends that I get to see, my community has turned into the baristas, bartenders and shopkeepers that I try to come in regular contact with. I'm grateful for all of these moments of connection and also seeking more consistency here.

One day at a time.