Monday, September 15, 2014

On the yoga mat.

Every Monday night, and by every I mean mostly every Monday night, I'm at yoga. My close friend Andrea teaches it, and it's always amazing.

Tonight she asked the class, "how are you feeling?" And we were told to sit with that feeling, to roll it around in our minds a bit. How was I feeling? Mixed. Confused. Defeated, but still going somehow. Resigned. Surface-apathetic. But simultaneously excited about certain things, strangely hopeful. Dealing with a lot of tangled stuff. That simple question sparked another..."who AM I anymore these days?"

Sometimes I feel like I live with all of the actions and reactions available. I know how to act in most situations, and what to say. A socially-written script sometimes come to my mind before my own does. So what is me? Do people know the me I don't? I think about that sometimes. But really I don't want to think, I just want to be. And I want that to be right and ok.

Figuring out what that looks like on a day-to-day basis.