Monday, December 30, 2013


I've been reading this amazing book by Brene' Brown, called The Gifts of Imperfection. And there was one passage that really struck me in which she quotes Lynne Twist's The Soul of Money:

"For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is 'I didn't get enough sleep.' The next one is 'I don't have enough time.' Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it...We're not thin enough, we're not smart enough, we're not pretty enough or fit enough or educated or successful enough, or rich enough - ever. Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we're already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something."


She then goes on to say that addressing scarcity doesn't mean searching for abundance, but rather choosing a mind-set of sufficiency:

"We each have the choice in any setting to step back and let go of the mind-set of scarcity. Once we let go of scarcity, we discover the surprising truth of sufficiency. By sufficiency, I don't mean a quantity of anything. Sufficiency isn't two steps up from poverty or one step short of abundance. It isn't a measure of barely enough or more than enough. Sufficiency isn't an amount at all. It is an experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough and that we are enough."

I think this hit me so hard because I've been in this mind-set of scarcity for a long time. It feels like every night when I look to the clock and see that it's late, I think "I'm not going to get enough sleep tonight. I'm going to be tired tomorrow." Before I even go to bed, I'm already lacking. There is always something lacking, in my life or in myself. But even since reading this passage yesterday, I've been able to start shifting my thinking. I'm tired of living in that space where my life doesn't seem to fit around me, and I can't grasp why. I'm tired of being unfulfilled and not knowing how to fix it. But what if it doesn't need to be fixed? It's not really what I have or don't have right now, it's what I'm choosing to see as "enough". I'm going to set goals, small goals for myself, and seek hope. Today, and tomorrow, and hopefully each day to come, I will choose to see my life as enough.

Friday, November 29, 2013

For Jake.

This has been a very strange season. A beautiful, raw, painful, distant season. Coming into Thanksgiving, I found myself more confused and detached than thankful. I knew how I should feel, but making myself feel that way...harder than it seems. I know there are so many things to be thankful for, though, which is why I'm using this post to remind myself.

In the past year, I've moved to a new place and met some awesome people. I've found solace at my favorite coffee shop with a good book, my journal, and good conversation. I've laughed so hard I've cried...many, many times. I've excelled at my job, in something that I never thought I would be doing. I liked, and I lost. I learned about myself and grew, even though sometimes it can feel like I'm right back to where I started. And the best that it's not over. There are more amazing things around the corner, just waiting.

Thankfulness. It's a wonderful thing.

I'm thankful for songs that you hear for the first time and immediately love. For lattes with hearts, and fun-looking mugs. For painting and wine. I'm thankful for friends who get it, and get me. For tiny hands and big hearts. I'm thankful for brownies, and pretty much anything chocolate. I'm thankful for the possibility of someone always surprising you. I'm thankful for butterflies in my stomach. For smiling for a reason only you know. I'm thankful for the grounded feeling of being home with family. I'm thankful for the peace and joy amidst the crazy that only God can bring. Among many other things. :)

Friends, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I hope you ate all of the turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, and pie that you could muster. I hope you laughed a lot, whether you were with friends or family or going solo. And know that I am thankful for you today, and every day.


Monday, July 8, 2013


In the past few months I have been experiencing an identity crisis. Number 282, the be exact. Welcome to my twenties. So when I was flipping through my journal this evening and happened upon the below entry, a smile slowly crept over my face as I read timely words from my past self. It was a lovely reminder of pieces of who I am:

"I had a tiny reality moment where I realized that I don't have to be anything more or anything less than I am now. I am who I am, and I stand by that. I'm the girl who will run spelling errors into joke words, who will make a song anywhere, be it on the swing set or listening to the sounds of dial-up Internet. I can laugh at most everything (including myself), come up with witty sarcastic banter, and start a conversation with someone new if I wanted to. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. The keyword is "try"...nobody's perfect, especially me. I love to affirm people. I love inspiring people and witnessing their joy, curiosity and excitement in discovery. I love feeling inspired from other people. I love to sing, anywhere and everywhere. If I'm singing around you, I'm a.) happy and b.) comfortable. I love chocolate and coffee, and I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews. I love my family so much that my heart hurts, both with extreme love and extreme fear that I can't protect them always. That is when I need to trust God, moment by moment. He is BIG! And His love for them is even far greater than mine...I need to remind myself of that. I'm scared of dreaming, because I'm scared of failure, and picking wrong, and so many other things. I'm not good at taking high-risk chances. I hope to get better at this :) I am me, and that's pretty damn wonderful."

Ah...hello, my old heart :) just thought I'd share that entry here. I love journaling. Anais Nin once said, "we write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection." It is so true. Maybe you can relate to some of my thoughts. Perhaps not. Either way, thanks for sharing in them! 

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Say what you can't say.

Temptation to succumb to slumber,
to seethe poisonous words to unknown faces.
To dance wildly; rash and raw.
To scream, sing, and seize
some sort of life left in me.
A self-diagnosed disorder
of the catatonic;
need to force a pulse to fool the mortician.
for laughter's sake.
Shake and break these chains
of delirium.

Ode to my journal.

I am hesitant to cover your smooth pages
with my cluttered words.
A 200-page commitment.
And yet, I forget that it is only then
that you fulfill your purpose;
I would be doing you a disservice
by leaving you on display.
My pen was destined for your lines;
Intertwined in spontaneous ramblings,
and thoughts that mimic genius.
A willing ear, a sounding board,
My unusual friend.

Monday, April 22, 2013


It's funny how you can compartmentalize your life to the point where you forget where you've been and what you've been through. I'm almost 24, and sometimes I feel barely 18. I see students going to college, and for a split second I think "I should be doing that". Oh wait, I already did...two years ago. That is why I love journals and journaling...essentially it's a poignant reminder of who I am and where I've been. Changes you've gone through are so much more apparent when you can remember what place you started from.

Word of the day: poignant.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

running, walking, sitting, laughing.

Hope. It tends to sneak up on me in the most normal of moments; a welcome surprise.

It looks like this. Walking home from a run around Wash Park with a couple of new friends, the gorgeous weather speaking of lovely things to come, and life is full of possibility. Hope.

Sitting at a coffee shop, drinking a delicious latte. Sitting, watching Pearl Street through the window and feeling at home. Hope.

At dinner with old friends, bellies full of delicious food and laughter. I realize that I am completely comfortable in my own skin among these people. Hope.

Walking through my backyard to the door, smelling the rain. Noticing how it makes everything greener, and somehow new. Hope.

I love those moments. They are my focus and my fuel.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

hello, my old heart.

hello, my old heart 
how have you been? 
are you still there inside my chest? 
I've been so worried 
you've been so still 
barely beating at all 

oh, don't leave me here alone 
don't tell me that we've grown for having loved a little while 
oh, I don't want to be alone 
I want to find a home and I want to share it with you 

hello, my old heart 
it's been so long 
since I've given you away 
and every day I add another stone 
to the walls I built around you 
to keep you safe 

hello, my old heart 
how have you been? 
how is it, being locked away? 
don't you worry 
in there, you're safe 
and it's true you'll never beat, but you'll never break 

nothing lasts forever 
some things aren't meant to be 
but you'll never find the answers 
until you set your old heart free

Sunday, February 10, 2013


Hi friends. Words to share publicly are hard to come by these days. I've moved, and I love it! Things change, friends come and go, and life goes on somehow. I'm enjoying being far away. But I realized I'm not only far away physically, but far away from a lot of people emotionally. That's just how it has to happen for now, since my primary focus is to figure out life in my new place and new surroundings. Self-preservation, I guess. I don't want to say I enjoy that part, but I don't mind it amongst these days of blank walls and strange solitude. It's one of those times where if you're consistent with me, I'll be consistent with you. If you're not...well...

It's been a long couple of weeks.