Tonight she asked the class, "how are you feeling?" And we were told to sit with that feeling, to roll it around in our minds a bit. How was I feeling? Mixed. Confused. Defeated, but still going somehow. Resigned. Surface-apathetic. But simultaneously excited about certain things, strangely hopeful. Dealing with a lot of tangled stuff. That simple question sparked another..."who AM I anymore these days?"
Sometimes I feel like I live with all of the actions and reactions available. I know how to act in most situations, and what to say. A socially-written script sometimes come to my mind before my own does. So what is me? Do people know the me I don't? I think about that sometimes. But really I don't want to think, I just want to be. And I want that to be right and ok.
Figuring out what that looks like on a day-to-day basis.