Monday, March 11, 2019

Another day, another dollar.

3 years and 8 months ago, I wrote the following as a draft post and saved it in my long list of unpublished thoughts with the title "Another day, another dollar":

I've spoken about this before, but a couple of months ago I had an awakening. I took a look at my life working downtown and living nearby and thought this doesn't fit. It's beautiful and wonderful and I've been so extremely grateful for it, but something was urging me on. There was something more than this for me, there had to be. Not necessarily bigger or better in general, but something more me. It's almost an intuitive feeling.

This time has been life-giving, and I am happy to move to something else and make way for the next person to use these pieces as part of their journey. I don't feel that my journey ends here, even though it could. I could stay doing the same things and probably be comfortable, but there will always be that feeling of restlessness or anticipation.

And that was all that I had written. Thinking back, I didn't have the answer for next steps but I knew that I had to take them. Three weeks ago, I took the first step by putting in my notice at my job that has grown me for 5 years, and an industry that has grown me for 7. It was one of the hardest decisions that I had to make. And I made it largely without input of anyone else, at least not until I knew that I was going to do it for sure. After growing up following a path, I felt on my own with this one because it was so unlike what I have been taught and what I've grown up with. Leave a secure job for no job? Was I crazy?! Maybe a little. And it felt simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying.

As expected, my revelation of next steps to my family wasn't initially met with open arms; it was met with fear, hesitation, questioning, alarm, and ultimately, a big love woven throughout those emotions. In their minds, someone they loved and wanted to be safe and secure was saying they were jumping out of a plane without a parachute. This reaction is understandable and also why I didn't tell them sooner. But there were also wonderful moments where I told people and their first reactions were excitement and encouragement. I'll never forget when I told my good friend Katie and her first words were "that's exciting! When are we celebrating??" It woke me up to the actual excitement of making this decision that I had wanted to make for a long time.

So here I sit, on the first day of the next phase of my life. My last day was Friday and I woke up this morning with the feeling that I'm still on the weekend. I have some savings, some ideas, and a faith that I'll come back to myself and begin to move forward. The pathway is unclear but the direction feels like me, and I'm excited to see how this will unfold. I will make sure to keep you all posted! Thank you for reading, friends.





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