Sunday, January 6, 2019

Brainstew.

I am currently sitting in Odell Brewing in Rino, sipping on water and enjoying some Green Day (did you catch the title? Very fitting). I am full - today was a great day. It started off with making monkey bread with my awesome boyfriend and planning our trip to Boston (I CAN'T WAIT!). Then I drove him up to Thornton, visited my parents and had a good chat about life with mom. One of those cleansing kinds of talks that involve tears, hugs, understanding and love. It ended at Odell with a friend/coworker to talk work and life with a background playlist magically curated to us; mostly pop punk/alternative goodness from the early 2000s. I'm not going to lie - I'm the most discombobulated I feel like I've ever been and sitting on the edge of one of the most unpredictable years of my life. But I cherish these moments where it feels like it's all going to work out...(it is).

I'm used to living a templatized life. I have 4 older siblings who have lived life 8-15 years ahead of me, so I felt like I "knew" what to expect in terms of kids, marriage, etc and there would be no surprises. But what I'm realizing is that I was witnessing their lives, and they would still differ from my own. And there would be PLENTY of surprises. I'm used to validating my life against other people..."they did that and it worked out, great!" But I'm venturing into territory that is uniquely my own, and I'm simultaneously terrified and exhilarated. It feels like me, but with no one else to "validate" it but myself, it feels somehow "wrong". I'm learning that this isn't the case with help from a lot of supportive people in my life. And I'm so grateful for that.

I will end this with a letter to 2019.

Dear 2019,

How are you today? I'm doing pretty well. (This is how I write letters). I'm excited to be here with you. I feel like you will know the me-ist version of me. Are you ready? I feel like you will involve a lot of change, excitement, love, tears (of anxiety and joy), and a lot of unknown. I'm ready for it if you are. Let's do this. :)

Love,
Katie

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