Sunday, December 11, 2011

running on empty.

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water."
Psalm 63:1

Man. This verse has been going through my head over and over again this week. I felt like I needed to re-fuel, so I kept looking for people to hang out with. But that is not what I really needed. I think sometimes I'm afraid to be alone and do nothing. Not that I don't like being alone, but at this point in my life it's often a time where my thoughts betray me and I end up working myself into a mess. I'm learning to seek God consistently in these times.

Right now, work embodies everything that I haven't done yet in my life. And on top of that, I've turned it into a barrier. Honestly, I could quit right now. But then my mind follows that train of thought until it crashes into the mountain of reality; "You look better if you're employed when you apply for jobs. You're making money. What else would you do? You have nothing else to do..." And so on. But then there is a tiny voice that creeps in saying, "who cares?" I wish it was easier to discern God's voice from my own. Maybe I should take mine off of loudspeaker.

If it weren't for the people I work with, I don't know what I would do. I am so thankful for the people in my life. And it really isn't a bad job at all, I'm just...tired. But the kind of tired that creates a restless soul.

At least tomorrow starts a new photo challenge! Get excited.

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