Thoughts from the bus.

You know those thoughts that make you smile randomly, making people around you wonder what you're thinking?

Today, that thought happened while listening to Journey's "Any Way You Want It"...what if I just stood up on this bus seat and started lip-synching and playing air guitar? Without a second thought as to what people would think?

Hope you have a great Monday friends. Listen to some good oldies, or whatever else makes you randomly want to break out in song or dance. :)

Resolution.

Happy New Year! I hope you all had a beautiful start to 2015. I find that most New Year's Eves are usually anti-climactic, but I think it's because my expectations were never set to anything grounded in reality. It's usually like "this New Year's Eve I'll go to the party of my life with a bunch of close friends and I'll have a giant epiphany that will make everything click and make sense in my life!" Never mind that I never reserved a spot or ticket for said party, or talked to said friends. Mainly it's just a plan in my mind that I expect to unfold regardless of me actually doing anything. This year, however, I actually set realistic expectations...and once I expected my New Year's Eve to be low-key, I was satisfied. I even fell asleep 5 minutes after midnight. Sleep in the new year!

Anyways, let's talk resolutions. I've never been one for really laying out concrete resolutions...more like guidelines for how I want to shape my life each day. This year, my resolution is resolution. Daily resolution. I love the musical definition of this word the most, which is the move of a note from dissonance to consonance. In other words, the shift of things or elements from unstable and disharmonius to stable and in harmony. Isn't that a lovely thought? When it happens in music, you can feel it. Like a sigh of relief.

I know that dissonance creeps in, but I want to make sure that I'm not dwelling in that or focusing on that more than I need to. I drift into that mindset and often get stuck there, so my resolution is to strive for internal harmony amidst the external dissonance that happens in life.

I recently came across an Annie Dillard quote that I want to think on each morning: "I wake expectant, hoping to see a new thing." I really like that. I also like this picture that I found when looking up definitions:

What caught my eye most was "a simple, sincere and serene life." A great thought to start the new year with.

Cheers, friends!

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The Crockpot Club

It's amazing how quickly we can come to feel inadequate. And by what means we come to feel inadequate. I never thought that I'd say these words, but for me it was...the Crockpot Club.

What is the Crockpot Club, you ask? Oh, just a group of people from work who get together every Thursday and rotate who cooks a crockpot meal. However, it's invite-only. Like a "popular kids" group at work. Initially I found it entertaining, and figured that I didn't know people well enough to join. But after some months passed and my friend who sat next to me received an invite and stopped going to lunch with me because of it, I was surprised at how it affected me.

I was jealous. Angry, even.

I thought, "you can have your stupid Crockpot Club! I'm just going to sit over here with my NEW friends and eat my lunchable and fruit-by-the-foot with my Hi-C orange drink. Hmph. Who do they think they are anyways, with their dumb crockpot meals?" What was I, in middle school again? It was like having horrible flashbacks to every moment in childhood where you were rejected or not chosen to be one of "the chosen". Anyone? Anyone? Anyways, as I sat thinking about this, I realized a few things.

One is that there are people who like to take high school behavior with them into adult life. There is no avoiding it, unfortunately. You'll hear (and sadly be sucked in sometimes) to gossip about "did you see what so-and-so is wearing? Gross." or "can you believe that so-and-so did this?" Also, most of the time people just like to be in their cliques, and they like to have control over those cliques and unintentionally (and sometimes intentionally) create exclusivity where they can. Everyone wants to be a part of something, right? And finally I realized that contrary to what I believed throughout my school years growing up, it's ok to not be a part of that...mainly because A.) I don't like cooking on command and am barely even able to cook for myself most days and B.) I am 25, not 14. I have my own contributions and personality and most sane people will not judge me on whether or not I made it in to Crockpot Club. I generally succeed at life without that accolade to decorate my LinkedIn with.

At the end of the day, I'm grateful for things like the Crockpot Club...because it reminds me of how easy it is to make things exclusive, and how important it is to make people feel on the inside when I can. When you get down to it, we're all just trying to live this crazy life the best way we can...so we might as well try and support each other in it instead of alienate.

I was encouraged to write a post about this on here by my close friend Katie (52beautifulthings.com). She has a wonderful, inspiring blog that you should check out. I am truly honored to know her. And I know that she would always include me in her Crockpot Club.

And it is with these thoughts that I send you off to the rest of the week: remember to be open, and not closed. Be open to including and being surprised by people. I promise it will be worth it.

Enjoy your week, friends. :)

When you just can't find the words.

Today is one of those days where I have this feeling. But I can't put words to it. That's hard for me, because I love finding the perfect words to describe something. It's almost like closure. This, this feeling is unsettling.

Sometimes we just have to sit with it though, when we have no other choice...roll it around for a bit, leave it for awhile, and maybe eventually the words will come.

Also, I'm not going to hold myself to a strict schedule of posting every day. Because where's the fun in that? Thanks for joining me as I push thoughts out there and tease out what this blog wants to be!

Goodnight, friends.

Day 3 - Maintain + Coffee Shop Sundays

Good morning friends.

I woke up this morning and went to a delicious brunch with a good friend. If you are friends with me or follow me at all on Instagram, you know that I love brunch and coffee. If those two words are involved, I will be there...and be there often. I'm ok with that, and I've accepted it. No shame.

On that note, I've actually decided to start a little something called "Coffee Shop Sundays" on here. Whenever I happen to be at a coffee shop on a Sunday, such as today, I'll write about it. A combination review of sorts plus thoughts on life. But let it be known: I am no coffee connoisseur. I just know what tastes good to me and what doesn't, and sometimes I can describe it and sometimes I can't. Am I selling it yet? :) Enjoy.

Shop: Stella's Coffee

Location: 1476 South Pearl St, Denver CO 80210

Roaster: Pablo's Coffee

Drink of choice: Soy vanilla latte 

If you know me, you know that one of my absolute favorite coffee shops is Stella's. It's likely that I've already either brought you here or recommended it to you multiple times (you still haven't gone?! You're missing out).

Anyways, it only makes sense that I would start here. This place feels like a home of sorts; maybe because it is a house-turned coffee shop. Or maybe because I was here at least 4 times a week when I lived in Wash Park. Either way, it's a haven for college students, 9-5ers, and every day visitors alike. Each room is unique, with cool local artwork on the walls and books you can read on the shelves. Not to mention an awesome patio. They have italian sodas, pastries, a wide variety of teas, and of course coffee.

And the coffee. Man, so good. Like a hug in a mug. And there's just something awesome about settling in at one of their tables with one of their unique mismatched mugs cradled in your hands. My brain somehow feels more free here, lighter, with more clarity to my thoughts. In these times, while sitting quietly and gazing off with my cup in hand, I get that inexplicable feeling of joy that bubbles up...the feeling that life is grand and anything is possible. I hope you know the feeling. Problems I'm dealing with now? They will pass, they will resolve. Confusion? It will clear. I can see love easier...on the face of a dog as he looks up at his owner, in the eyes of the parent handing their child a cup of hot chocolate, in the smile of the barista. If only I could just sit here forever. Sometimes I try.

Today's resolution is to maintain. From both the surface meaning; maintaining cleanliness in my apartment, maintaining clean clothes, maintaining this blog, and the deeper meaning; maintaining an attitude of looking for the best in everything, maintaining the idea of sufficiency that there is enough and we are enough, and maintaining my sanity as we head into the work week again.

Yesterday was a great day of sitting on the couch, knitting, and working on my blog. Then I emerged in the evening to get drinks and some fresh air. If you didn't notice, I changed my blog layout! I'm excited about tweaking this a bit, and writing more. We'll see how this idea of daily resolutions work with an actual work week...till tomorrow!

Daily Resolutions: Day 2 - Savor the moment

I think this is the first time I've been on my blog two days in a row in a long time! It's the small victories.

Yesterday, my resolution was to stay loved. How did that go? I think pretty well. I sat in my favorite coffee shop up the street for 3 hours, and it was magnificently therapeutic. First off, 3 hours in a coffee shop. Is there anything better? I sat with my blog, debating whether or not to switch platforms, to switch up the layout, or to not do anything. After perusing some blogs for inspiration, I only ended up getting discouraged about what my blog was and what I wanted it to be, if anything. I've never been one to broadcast to the masses. Is this just a meandering effort?

It was at this point that I decided to go through all of my old posts. I have to tell you, I fell in love with my blog again. I fell in love with my initial desires and excitement, and with my voice that came through each post. I think I needed that to appreciate that I've been doing this since October of 2011, which now that I think of it, is a long time for me. I started to get new ideas for my blog, and I think I will eventually change the layout. I haven't gotten to the point of switching platforms, because that's a lot of work that I don't want to think about right now. But I'm thinking something fresh regardless. The point of this blog is simple...to process my genuine thoughts about life, and to hopefully give new insight and meaning to not only myself, but others who decide to stumble upon this.

Today's resolution is to savor the moment. As Shauna Niequist says in her book Cold Tangerines, "...this is what I'm finding, in glimpses and flashes: this is it. This is it, in the best possible way." I love that thought, and I mentioned it in yesterday's post as well. If you haven't read that book, I highly recommend it as well as Bittersweet. Shauna has a writing style that draws you in with wonderfully descriptive stories that make you feel like you're there, and a genuine, bright humor about life.

Because really, this is it in the best possible way. It's creamy peanut butter sandwiches at midnight, with the cool linoleum underfoot and the realization that you're alive. It's riding the elevator with pleasant strangers, and walking out the door as friends. It's meeting the sweet older receptionist of my building and having her say "now I know who you are and where you belong". Right now I am sitting on my couch with a cup of my momma's homemade triple chocolate mint hot chocolate. Even just typing that sentence made me smile. :) I hope that you find moments today to savor, friends. Because today, this is it! Love you all.

Daily Resolutions: Day 1 - Stay Loved

Hi friends.

It's been awhile...it's hard for me to be consistent on this. One thing I want to try is posting daily resolutions. The idea was sparked when I was talking to my friend the other day, and he asked "do you have any new year's resolutions yet?" I thought to myself that no, I hadn't, but maybe I could start thinking about it. Better yet, maybe I should start thinking of daily resolutions to live by now. I always come to the new year as if I'm hopping up to the beginning of a new calendar, with the attitude ,"this is it!" But really I should be coming to each day with that attitude, right?

Anyways, I want to start with this.

Today's resolution will be to stay loved. I'm at a place where my head is off, and my analyzing is at full capacity, and it can turn beautiful days sour in a moment. Today I will make a conscious effort to remember that I am loved, no matter what happens or how I look or how I'm feeling. Stay loved.

"Some days, 24 hours is too much to stay put in, so I take the day hour by hour, moment by moment. I break the task, the challenge, the fear into small, bite-size pieces. I can handle a piece of fear, depression, anger, pain, sadness, loneliness, illness. I actually put my hands up to my face, one next to each eye, like blinders on a horse." - Regina Brett

"Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly. It is the one thing we are interested in here." - Leo Tolstoy

This is it.